Shenko Shorts
by lvrofreading
Summary: This is a collection of one shots and mini fics in no particular order. They will center around the missions and off-duty time of Shepard and Kaidan throughout all three games. Rated T for language and mild suggestive themes. Plenty of Shenko fluff
1. Chapter 1

**Please R&R and enjoy:)**

**Shenko Shorts**

**Chapter 1: Under the Mako**

He should have listened to Garrus and forced Commander Shepard to ride shotgun. The problem was no one forced Shepard to do anything she didn't want to do. Her stubbornness was fierce and her strong will was legendary. When there was an obstacle in her path she turned krogan and barreled right through it. Even if that obstacle was a kilometer high cliff. On said cliff was a ledge and on that ledge was a deposit of polonium. Shepard was determined to drive the mako up the cliff to get to the ledge, having found no other way to get to the metal. That, however, proved to be pretty much impossible as it was a vertical cliff face that they needed to scale. This had not discouraged his Commander at all and they had made it half way up before a necessary part dislodged underneath and they fell back down to the ground. The drive shaft had come loose so now Kaidan Alenko was tucked under the vehicle attempting mechanical repairs.

Kaidan really wished Garrus had come along. He was very good at tech repair but Garrus was the master mechanic of the team. Wrex might have been more help for repairing the mako, if he had been able to fit under it. Liara had absolutely no experience with repairing anything so Shepard had sent her and Wrex out scouting, leaving him and his Commander alone.

Kaidan could hear her sultry voice coming from the other side of the mako. She was on the comm with Joker, informing him that the mission would take a little longer than expected. Originally they had come here to investigate a team of scientists that the Alliance had lost contact with. But the chance to recover the rare and raw material was too much for her to resist. So Shepard ordered a detour and now they were back on the ground with a broken transport. Kaidan chuckled to himself; the will of Shepard was indomitable, unless it was against a cliff.

"Kaidan?" His name came out as a question, but in his mind it sounded to him as a sensual purr rolling off her tongue. He shook off the effect of her smooth voice and peered down by her boots. She was down on her knees, hands in the dirt, and her head was cocked to see under the mako. Strands of golden bangs fell down around her eyes, framing her heart-shaped face. Her piercing green eyes bore into his and Kaidan felt his heart stop. Even in sweat and grime she looked like an angel.

"How's it coming?"

"It's coming," he replied saucily, his tone betraying his playful mood. "Don't rush me."

Shepard smiled, showing off a few of her pearly whites.

"Do you need any help?" She asked, seeming keen on offering her assistance.

He really didn't need any help but the chance to spend alone time with her was so rare that he jumped at any opportunity that presented itself.

"That would be great, thanks."

He watched as his lithe Commander snaked her way under the mako. His mouth went dry with every move of her hips that brought her next to him. She rolled over onto her back, their shoulders touching. He mentally pictured the heat of her skin against him even through their thick armor. Shepard's mouth tilted upward in a smirk and he realized he had been staring.

"So…what do you need?" She asked, her eyes sparkled in amusement.

Kaidan cleared his throat and fought to keep his face its natural hue.

"Can you hand me that bolt?" Kaidan's voice came out deeper than he intended and he pointed to the object to draw her attention away from his now blushing features. She picked up the bolt and held it out for his inspection.

"This one?"

He nodded, not trusting his voice anymore. They worked in silence for several minutes. He was senses were overloaded with her proximity and he could not help but notice how closely she intensely she watched him. Kaidan wiped away the sudden moisture that appeared on his brow.

_Get it together, Alenko. This is only your __**Commanding officer**__ you are sweating over._

He accidently jostled the equipment and a drop of sludge fell on Shepard's cheek

"Eww," she muttered in the most girlish tone he had ever heard from her. It was far more arousing than it was allowed to be. Without thinking he reached over with his left hand and wiped the sludge off her face. It did not all come off the first time and since she did not push him away he felt brave enough to go back and finish the job. He brought his glove back a second time and slid it down her cheek in a move that was a blatant caress. Shepard leaned into his touch and Kaidan felt his resolve shatter into millions of pieces, revealing his blazing affection for her. They were too close, too alone, and when her eyes brightened with the unspoken invitation, Kaidan could no longer resist. He quickly pressed his lips against hers before he could change his mind. His lips moved across her moist and full ones and when Shepard parted her mouth he slipped his tongue inside to clash in a battle of passion with hers. She moaned softly into his mouth and the tightness to his uniform increased tenfold. Shepard ran her fingers through his black curls and tugged him closer. Kaidan shifted his weight, placing himself almost completely on top of her. Their armor banged together and brought Kaidan out of the trance that could only come from Shepard.

He pulled just a few inches away, his breath coming out in short pants. Shepard's red lips were swollen from his caresses and her cheeks were beautifully flushed. It took all of his control to not kiss her again.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have done that."

"Don't be sorry, Kaidan." Her breathless whisper enticed him to return his attention to her lips. "I wanted you to."

"What about the regulations? I don't want you to get in trouble because of me."

"Screw the regs!" She snapped passionately and Kaidan smiled at the fire burning in her eyes. He brought a gloved hand to gently stroke her hair.

"Shepard…" He softly admonished. One of them had to be strong enough to back away. It wasn't going to be her, apparently.

"Don't Shepard-me, Kaidan. I have given everything to the Alliance and what do I have to show for it? Nothing but a couple of worthless medals."

"You have been made the first human Spectre and are leading the mission to stop Saren and the Reapers. You have a lot to show for it."

"But none of that really matters. This…," she whispered and gestured between them. "This makes me happy. You make me happy."

Pride swelled in his heart, and he felt pure adoration for this beautiful woman in his arms.

"You are an amazing woman, Anna." It was the first time he had ever used her name and he was unsure how it would sound. He was pleasantly surprised the way it rolled off his tongue and Shepard's grin widened upon hearing it.

"I like that," she murmured low in his ear.

He moaned deep in his throat. "God, it's getting harder to step away from you."

"Then don't. There is no one here but us."

The promise in her eyes was too great to ignore. He had wanted this for so long and he just did not have the strength to back away from her again. He hesitated only a brief second before descending his lips on hers once more.

His armor became very constricting and he wished they were somewhere more private and more comfortable where there would be nothing between them except their own burning flesh. His hands tangled in her now loose waves of golden curls. She gripped the back of his neck just under his amp, her finger nails dug into his hair. Kaidan ripped his lips from hers and slowly moved them down to the hollow of her throat. He sought out the pulse point there and applied a gentle sucking pressure, receiving a feminine moan in return. A primal part of him longed to mark her as his but he knew that love bite would be the death of their careers. Kaidan brought his lips back to hers, never tiring of the intimate pressure from her kisses. His hand wandered on its own accord, slipping under her hip to raise her closer to him. He had found a heaven he hadn't known ever existed.

"Is it fixed yet?" A loud, gravelly voice asked.

Kaidan shot up and rolled off Shepard as if he was on fire. Wrex, who was bending down to look under the mako, laughed at the flustered and embarrassed glares the humans gave him. Kaidan growled under his breath, but as frustrated as he was with being interrupted he was more frustrated with himself for being caught. The first time he flung caution to the wind, Wrex finds him sucking face with his Commander.

"We spotted the camp from the top of the hill. It's not far but I don't feel like walking there," Wrex stated.

"It will be done in just a minute," Kaidan replied, unable to keep his irritation out of his tone. Shepard crawled out from underneath the mako and fixed her hair back into its ponytail.

"You two should just rut and get it over with."

Shepard rolled her eyes and smiled at Liara who was examining a rock with great interest. The asari looked uneasy.

"Thank you for the advice, Wrex. And if I ever want to make any more life altering decisions, you will be the first one I come to. But this is between me and Kaidan and I would greatly appreciate if it _remained _that way."

Liara nodded before looking away, incredibly uncomfortable. Wrex merely laughed and clapped her on the back, knocking her forward.

"Your secret is safe with me."

Shepard just shook her head, bemused. "Why does that scare the shit out of me?"

* * *

The scientists had been studying prothean relics in the tunnels nearby their campsite. The team found them turned into husks by the geth. Wrex and Liara went into one end of the tunnel to check for any remaining enemies, leaving Shepard and Kaidan alone to check the other end. An awkward tension settled between them and Kaidan was unsure of how to make things better. It was clear they needed to tread carefully. Wrex and Liara would never say anything but that didn't mean it couldn't happen again and the next person might not be so forgetting.

"Look Commander…about earlier…"

"It's fine Lieutenant. The others won't tell anyone. You can pretend it never happened."

Her tone had changed and it no longer held the affection for him as it did before. That stung more than he thought it would. Kaidan looked around and after seeing that they were alone he pulled her behind a crate.

"Lieutenant…"

He shushed her with a finger to her lips.

"I'm glad it happened. I've been waiting for that moment for months."

Her corners quirked upward in a small smile and her cheeks turned into the pretty hue he loved to see. She looked around the crate to check their surroundings. Upon finding nothing she looked back at him.

"Really?"

"Yes." He stroked her cheek tenderly. "Sometimes I am too cautious for my own good, but I want this. I want you."

"I want you too," she whispered, leaning in closer to him. They were centimeters away, lips parted and ready. Heavy footsteps echoed through the tunnel and both pulled away quickly. Shepard growled and Kaidan chuckled at her frustration.

"Don't worry, Anna. It will work itself out…one of these nights." She blushed under his heated gaze but turned around as the others approached. Kaidan watched her walk away for a few seconds, his eyes never leaving her swaying hips. Shore leave could not come soon enou


	2. Chapter 2

**Just a little fluff, enjoy!**

**Present Tense?**

_During ME3, a little while after the Citadel Coup_

Purgatory was alive with activity, people danced with no fear, no shame. Tonight was one of the few nights the crew of the Normandy had off. The quarians and the geth were now part of the war effort and after the toughest battle Shepard had faced in a while, she needed some time to relax. Hackett was still working on the Crucible so Shepard had docked the Normandy on the Citadel to finish up some minor assignments. The crew had gathered at the popular bar for drinks and a night of celebration.

Shepard drained the rest of her drink and set the glass back down. She looked at the bar with a longing gaze but the booth she was relaxing on was just so comfortable she did not want to move. Kaidan chuckled and picked up her glass.

"Do you want a refill?"

She smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

He winked and headed to the bar. Shepard turned her attention back to her other crew mates. Garrus was in the process of animatedly describing to James an encounter he had with a mercenary group back on Omega. Next to her Joker and EDI were chatting quietly between themselves. Joker leaned in and whispered something in the AI's ear and she smiled back at him and laughed. Joker sat back, looking pleased with himself. Shepard felt a finger poke her on the shoulder and she turned to her left to see what Jack wanted.

"Check it out." The biotic pointed behind them and Shepard turned to see Kaidan at the bar, hugging a black haired woman.

"Who the hell is that?" Shepard heard herself ask, without realizing she had been speaking. The woman in Kaidan's arms was gorgeous. She had long legs and feminine curves, and was the perfect model for human beauty.

"I wonder if that is the girl Kaidan was seeing during our Cerberus adventure?" Joker asked out loud. The rest of the crew quieted and all eyes fell on the Major and the mysterious woman at the bar. Shepard looked back at the empty spot where her drink used to be and she wished she had not been too lazy to get the drink herself. Nine pairs of eyes targeted on her and she burned under their gazes.

"Who cares if it is?" She muttered under her breath, just loud enough that Jack could hear it.

"So you don't care that he's chatting up Barbie over there?"Jack seemed doubtful of Shepard's indifferent shrug.

"Who Kaidan dates is none of my concern. I'm his Commander, not his mother."

Joker looked surprised. "So does this mean you two have not made up yet?"

Groans echoed across the table. Shepard cocked her head.

"What are you talking about?"

"Horizon," he replied evenly.

Shepard rolled her eyes, shaking the bangs off of her face. "Yes we are both past that. He apologized and I told him I understood. I'd like to think we are back to being friends."

"Just friends? So no…" He began moving his arms in a circular motion. "Bow chicka wow wow, bow chicka wow?"

Her face flushed in mortification, trying to ignore the quiet chuckles from her friends.

"No! Kaidan and I are just friends."

"Are we friends?"

"Of course," she was confused by the change of conversation.

"You don't have my picture sitting on your desk."

James leaned forward, his eyes wide.

"You have a picture of Kaidan on your desk?"

A general yes came from the older members of the team. Shepard dipped her head, cheeks hot.

"He's just a friend," was her weak retort.

"You don't have a picture of me on your desk," Jack grinned.

Shepard let out an exasperated sigh. "Do you want me to put a picture of you on my desk?"

"God no, that would be creepy."

"Agreed."

James cut back in. "If you two are just friends, why would you have his picture?"

"I didn't even put it there!"

"Then who did?" The lieutenant asked, looking around the table. EDI raised her hand.

"I did."

Shepard was not surprised, but she was confused. "Why?"

"Statistics indicate that human drive is often increased when there is a strong reason that one is fighting for. In this case, it is a person to fight for. So I put the picture in your cabin to help strengthen your resolve to fight the Collectors."

Her words stuttered out of her mouth. "What made you think I would want his picture to 'strengthen me'?"

"You did not take it down," EDI reminded her gently. Shepard looked away and choked down Vega's drink. "Besides, were you not in a sexual relationship with the Major?"

Alcohol spewed from her mouth, landing on the floor beside Jack. The younger woman laughed loudly and patted the choking Shepard on the back. She finally stopped coughing long enough to spit out a vehement denial.

"No, we were not in a…relationship. Of any sort! Why would you think that?"

Joker snorted and eyes rolled across the table. Even Javik scoffed at her.

"Uh…does Illos ring a bell?" Joker asked.

"What does Illos have to do with anything?" Shepard tried to sound confused but a bit of guilt had crept into her tone.

Garrus shook his head. "Kaidan goes into your room and doesn't come out until seven hours later."

"He was fixing something."

Joker's eyebrows waggled. "Oh, I'm sure he fixed _something._"

"Bad, bad, Lola." James snickered, much to the chagrin of his blushing Commander.

"Ok, fine, we fraternized okay? Happy? Just don't go telling everyone."

Liara smiled kindly, curiosity and concern evident in her features. "It isn't fraternization now, so what's stopping you two?"

The blond warrior looked over her shoulder at the object of her affections. He was still engrossed with the black-haired beauty.

"He and I only had a little time together. Just a three day shore leave before we were dragged back to work. We never had time to…talk about…our relationship. Then the Collectors attacked…I don't know where we stand."

"The Major doesn't seem like the one-night-stand kind of guy," James observed. Shepard dropped her head onto the table and banged it softly. When did this happen? When did her private life suddenly become open for discussion with her crew?

"He's right," Joker replied. "Kaidan has been in love with you from the beginning. He publically hugged you on Horizon."

"Maybe he's a touchy, feely person." Even as she said it, she knew it was a blatant lie, as was evident from the snorts of disbelief from the crew.

"Uh are we talking about Kaidan Alenko? The man who's only words to me were 'shut up, Joker' for the first month I knew him?"

Shepard smiled and shook her head. "That doesn't mean he loves me, Joker."

"Yes it does, he said it to you twice now."

"Three times, I believe," interrupted Liara.

"Did I miss something?" Shepard glanced between Liara and Joker.

Joker pulled out his omni-tool. "Do you remember this?"

"_I thought we had something…Something real. I…loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart." _

"You have a recording of that?!" Shepard moved to the edge of her seat, scooting closer to her pilot.

His grin turned sinister. "Oh yes."

"What on Earth for?!"

"Oh I'm saving this one. I'm not sure how I will use it yet, but I can guarantee it's going to be good."

"Who would keep a copy of something like that?" Shepard was appalled to see everyone's hands up except for James, Javik and EDI. Even Jack had her hand raised.

"Why would you have a copy? You don't even know him."

Jack shrugged. "I thought it was funny."

"Great, I have no privacy. I can't even get dumped in private." She glared at everyone around the table. "I just want you to know, you all suck."

"You know you love us," Tali slurred out, poking her straw back into her mask.

"That was a bad example anyways, Joker. He said 'loved,' as in past tense."

Joker leaned closer, his smile grew wide. "But he said 'love,' as in present tense in the docking bay."

"When was that?" James took back his drink from Shepard's hand.

"Right after the coup. I got video feed this time." Joker brought up the screen on his tool and everyone drew in closer to see the feed. "The best part is when she checks out his ass while he's walking away."

"You cock-blocking little spy!" Shepard spit out, infuriated.

Joker mock pouted. "Hey! I resent that."

"Do you deny it?"

"Nope. But I resent it."

Jack poked Shepard again. "Here comes your boy toy."

Shepard put on her best political face and spun in her seat to greet Kaidan and the woman attached to his arm. Kaidan pointed to Shepard and nudged the lady forward.

"Shepard this is Lucy…"

The woman radiated excitement and did not let Kaidan finish his sentence before squealing.

"Commander Shepard, it is such an honor to meet you! We all owe our lives to you."

Shepard smiled and extended a hand but did not get up from her comfortable booth.

"it's nice to meet you too." The model just kept grinning and Shepard brought a fingernail up to her lips, anticipating the stress release from the bite. She was trying without much success to ignore Kaidan's arm still on Lucy's back.

"So… how do you know Kaidan?" Joker asked, always the instigator.

"Oh, I've known him forever. He's my cousin."

Shepard eyes widened in shock and she felt a huge relief lift off of her heart. She jumped up and threw her arms around the taller woman, ignoring the laughs from her drunken crew.

"That is just wonderful! I'm so happy to meet you."

Kaidan watched in a pleasant surprise. He was hoping Shepard and Lucy would get along but to see his former lover holding onto Lucy like she was a long lost friend was a little startling. The crew continued to chortle; hands banging on the table, Joker nearly fell out of his chair.

"What is so funny?"

They all just laughed harder.


	3. Chapter 3

**Shenko Shorts**

**The Memorial**

Joker gingerly stretched his still sore arm and barely managed to suppress a yawn. The Alliance Brass had been giving speeches all evening and it was boring the hell out of him. It was also pissing him off. This was supposed to be Shepard's memorial service and yet her name had barely been mentioned. Instead the service had been used for gloating about humanity's sacrifice for the other races and how much they owed the Alliance for their help. Beside him, Liara sniffled quietly and brought a tissue up to dab her eyes. At least some people were actually mourning the great woman they had lost. The crew of the Normandy had been asked to sit together by Admiral Hackett. They were lined up in the first two rows inside the large auditorium, packed full of "mourners." They were supposed to represent the legacy Shepard left behind. It was a pitiful legacy to behold.

Joker looked down the row at the somber faces of the ground team. Tali's mask was fogged up from the heat of her hidden tears, and next to her, Garrus kept his eyes to the floor as if he could bury himself underneath it if he stared long enough. Even Wrex's typical snarl was replaced with a thin line and clouded eyes. Joker craned his neck a little farther and caught a glimpse of Kaidan Alenko. The lieutenant sat straight-backed, hands clenched in his lap, and his face was a stone wall. No emotion, no life, just a blank slate, and a shell of the man he had once been. But Joker saw past the surface, past the I'm-okay façade. He saw the pain reflected in the man's half-dead gaze. Anger burned bright in those deep brown eyes and Joker knew that was the only thing keeping him going. They all loved Shepard but Kaidan loved her on a different level. The crew worshipped her as a hero and adored her as a leader. But Kaidan loved her as a woman, and she had loved him back. They thought they were being discrete but it had been obvious to everyone else the affection that existed between them. Kaidan had not just lost a commander or a friend; he had lost the love of his life. And it had been all Joker's fault.

If he had abandoned ship liked he had been ordered to then Shepard would still be alive. Instead he had been too stubborn, too shortsighted, too stupid, and because of it humanity had lost its only hope of defeating the Reapers.

Kaidan noticed Joker's stare and the two men locked eyes for a brief second. In that moment Joker felt all of Kaidan's pain and grief pushed onto him. Joker saw the quick flash of bitterness and the unbridled hatred that Kaidan felt for him. Though he had not come out and say it, everyone knew that Alenko blamed the pilot for Shepard's death. Joker understood and agreed with his friend, for he also blamed himself. The lieutenant looked away just as quickly but the one look had been enough. Joker was weighed down by not only his own grief but by Kaidan's as well. The two had once been best friends but since the attack Kaidan would not even speak to him. From the moment Joker had emerged from that escape pod alone, their friendship was over. No matter how many times Joker tried to apologize, Kaidan would not forgive him. Joker would come as close to begging as any man could but Kaidan would not budge. A deep rage that could only come from guilt was fueled once again. If Kaidan would not speak to him of his own choice then Joker would make him.

The memorial ended with a touching eulogy by humanity's first councilor, David Anderson. He actually talked about Shepard and how wonderful the woman is…was. Many tears were shed with the unveiling of her monument; even Joker had to swallow down a sob. It was even worse when her picture was shown on the screen. Her eyes saw all and her smile was so typical of her kindness and compassion. Kaidan's eyes had shifted to the floor and Joker could see a single tear slip down the cheek of the broken-hearted man.

The audience dispersed and the mass of people mingled between groups, making it difficult to navigate through. He found Kaidan off in the corner, an almost empty glass of whiskey tightly gripped in one hand, the other massaged his temple. Joker hobbled over to him and got close enough that the biotic could not ignore his presence. The tension was thick as Joker opened his mouth in an attempt to cut through it.

"How's it going?"

Kaidan turned his back to him and reached for the whiskey to refill his glass. Joker would not be deterred. He moved around the lieutenant so he was once again face to face with his best friend.

"Kaidan you have to talk to me."

The glare stung almost as much as his words.

"Get out of my face, Joker." His voice was pained and slightly slurred. He had clearly begun drinking much earlier than the rest of him. "I want nothing to do with you."

Kaidan turned around and stalked out of the ballroom and onto the balcony. Joker watched him leave, deciding whether or not to follow him. Garrus walked over to him, watching Kaidan storm out as well.

"He needs time Joker. It only happened two weeks ago."

Garrus was right but Joker didn't care. The guilt was too much to bear alone. He took after Kaidan as fast as a crippled man could manage; Garrus was hot on his heels.

"Don't do something you will regret," Garrus warned.

"I won't," Joker swore through his clenched teeth.

Kaidan was leaning over the railing, his drink swinging back and forth in the breeze. Nighttime had fallen on the Citadel and the artificial stars glistened in mockery of the beautiful night that Shepard was not here to spend with them. Joker could hear Kaidan swearing under his breath as Joker came closer.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" Kaidan growled, wobbling on his unsteady feet.

"Why can't you just speak to me?"

Kaidan refused to answer and instead tried to brush past the pilot but Joker grabbed hold of his arm.

"We loved her too, Alenko."

Kaidan stopped short and stared at his former friend before ripping his arm away with a snarl.

"You have no idea what I am going through." Joker could smell the alcohol on his breath as the man leaned in closer. "She should have left you behind."

Somewhere, deep down, Joker knew Kaidan didn't mean those words. Joker knew that Kaidan was just grieving the only way he knew how. But in this moment, those words, those awful, hateful words, were the only thing that mattered.

"Maybe she would still be alive if I had abandoned ship, or maybe we all would be dead if I hadn't stayed to keep us out of the gunfire. But what I do know is that you are just as guilty as I am."

Kaidan reeled back in surprise at the vehemence of Joker's voice.

"Don't you dare…"

"Oh you can put all the blame on me, but we both know that it's your fault too. You left her behind to face the danger alone."

"I followed orders…" Kaidan whispered weekly, brokenly. Garrus gripped the pilot's shoulder to calm him down but Joker just shrugged him off.

"You always follow orders, just like a good little solider. She told you to leave and instead of staying and protecting the woman you claim that you cared for, you abandoned her to her fate."

Kaidan turned around, in a desperate attempt to calm his burning temper. Joker saw the shaking in the biotic's fists. It would only take one more nudge…

"You are a coward, Kaidan. You hide behind your regulations when it's convenient to you and ignore them when it suits you. You were not even man enough to be there for when she needed you. You escaped to safety and left her there to die!"

He felt the fist before he saw it. A shouldering crack echoed in his ears as he felt his nose break. Joker was knocked to the ground by the force of Kaidan's punch. His sight grew blurry but he could just make out Kaidan leaping towards him, fist raised for another strike. Garrus stepped in and dragged Kaidan back, hissing in the lieutenant's ear.

"Calm down, Kaidan. She wouldn't want you to act like this."

Kaidan struggled to free himself of Garrus's grip, eventually extricating himself from the turian. He glared down at Joker and pointed a finger in a threatening gesture. His dark eyes betrayed the undying hatred aimed at broken pilot.

"I never want to see you again."

Joker watched him stalk off, brushing past the other crew members who had come to find out about the commotion. Liara started to go after him but Joker stopped her.

"Let him go, Liara." He accepted Garrus's extended hand and stood up shakily. His face was on fire and the sudden movement made him dizzy. His head did not hurt as bad as his heart, however, though he would never tell that to anyone. "The best thing we can do is leave him alone."

"I wish Shepard was here," Tali whispered, just loud enough for everyone to hear. The crew remained silent, lost in their memories, hearts to heavy to speak.

**I know this one was sad but I promise the next one will be happier.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Angst and fluff, what could be better? Enjoy :)**

**Break In**

_Six months into Shepard's house arrest_

Movement could be heard from outside her temporary prison room. The apartments at the Alliance headquarters in Vancouver were nice but Shepard had grown tired of being locked in them after just the first week of her house arrest. The noise was faint but she could hear someone tampering with the lock. It could not have been any of her guards; each of them had their own keys and usually knocked before barging in. There was no guard posted during the night. They just locked her in her room, figuring she did not have the equipment to break out. The noise continued and Shepard reached for her pistol before remembering that she did not have it. The Alliance had relieved her of her command as well as her weapons when she turned herself in six months ago. For the first time in years she felt completely defenseless.

Shepard shot out of the chair she had been reading in and switched off the lights hoping to catch her attacker off guard. She stepped into the nearest corner and waited for the door to open. A tall figure shrouded in darkness stepped in, his face hidden from her sight. Shepard did not move until the door closed and then leapt into the air and tackled the man to the ground. Though she was significantly smaller than the man she had the element of surprise and quickly gained the upper hand as they wrestled on the floor. She managed to straddle the attacker and lifted a fist for a quick strike. She froze in place when she heard a familiar voice whisper urgently,

"Anna, it's me!"

Shepard paused for a moment, startled by the use of her first name before she registered who had spoken it.

"Kaidan?"

An omni tool lit up on the man's arm, shedding light over his face. Shepard found herself staring into the beautiful brown eyes of her former lover. His hands had gone instinctively to her hips, as if they belonged there. The position they were in felt so comfortable, so familiar that Shepard almost forgot the situation they were in. She just wanted to lean down and kiss him, to have him take her in his arms and hold her forever. Kaidan cleared his throat and cast an anxious glance to her still raised fist and she came out of the fantasy with a crash. She jumped off of him quickly and turned on the small lamp near her bed. The light gave the room a dusky glow, barely noticeable through the blinds on her one window.

"What are you doing here?" She hissed as quietly as she could manage. She did not want to alert any of the soldiers on patrol; not yet anyways. Kaidan got up gingerly and smoothed out his BDUs. His gaze turned to her and it almost looked tender.

"I needed to see you."

She stared at him in disbelief.

"So you scare the shit out of me by breaking into my room at two in the morning?"

He raised his hands in the air in self defense.

"I've been trying for the past week to get permission to see you but the council wouldn't allow it."

"Speaking of which, you could be court martialed if they caught you in here."

"I had to see you," he repeated softly.

"I've been here for six months, Kaidan," she retorted snidely. "Why do you suddenly need to see me now?"

Kaidan took a step towards her and she subconsciously took a step back. A flash of hurt crossed his eyes and he looked down at his boots.

"I just got back from an assignment last week. I've been gone since right after Horizon."

The mere mention of that planet forced the memories of their disastrous encounter back to her mind from the hidden depths she thought she had buried them in. Shepard turned away to sit down on her bed and rested her head in her hands. The sting of their fight had not faded and neither had the pain of watching him walk away. She couldn't handle that again.

"Why are you here?" She asked through a muffled voice.

"You never replied to my email."

She looked up to see the same pain reflected in his eyes that she felt in her own heart.

"Then I heard about you going through the Omega four relay and about…the Bahak system," he continued. "I came as soon as I was able to, I just…I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

_He's concerned about me? After everything he said on Horizon, after calling me a traitor, a terrorist; he can sit there and tell me he still cares?_

The flame of anger sparked to life as she shot up and quickly crossed the room to stand directly in front of him.

"How dare you! You made it perfectly clear on Horizon that you were done with me; that you wanted nothing to do with me. I'm a traitor, remember? Why would you care about a traitor?"

A mixture of shock and irritation danced about his features.

"Did you even read the email I sent you?"

"You mean that half-assed excuse for an apology? Yeah, I read it but I still don't get it. One line you're telling me you still care; the next line you are telling me you moved on. What the hell was I supposed to think? What is going on in your head?"

He shook his head in anger.

"What did you expect _me_ to do?! You were dead! Then you just show up out of nowhere without even contacting me!"

Footsteps echoed outside startling them. They both took deep breaths and lowered their voices to near whispers.

"I tried!" Shepard was shaking from frustration. "I went to the Citadel as soon as I was able and I found Anderson. You know what the first thing I asked him was? Where is Kaidan Alenko. He stonewalled me, Kaidan. He said he couldn't tell me because of classification bullshit." Her voice became earnest and nearly pleading.

"I tried, Kaidan. I swear to you, I tried. But then I finally found you after months of searching and you weren't even happy to see me."

Her voice almost broke with her words but she steeled her resolve. She would not break in front of him; she would not give him the satisfaction of seeing his tears.

"You were working for a known terrorist organization! What was I supposed to think?"

"I worked **with **them, not for them. And I ended that as soon as my mission was accomplished."

"The Shepard I knew would have never considered working with terrorists."

"I would do almost anything to save the lives of innocent people. The Alliance turned their back on them but I couldn't. I can never stop helping people. You know that, Kaidan! You know me." She looked away, unable to bear pain of looking at him. "At least I thought you did."

"So did I." He sounded defeated and when Shepard finally met his gaze the anger and tension seemed too much to bear. It felt like a chasm had formed out of the rift between them and there was no way to cross it. She turned her back to him and walked over to her bed. She pushed the covers down and refused to look back at him.

"When everything else was going to hell you were the only thing I could think of. All I wanted to do was hold you and have you tell me everything would be okay. Instead you turned your back on me and walked away. So just go, Kaidan! Go back to your 'doctor friend;' I can't take this anymore!"

"I don't want her!" The ferocity of his statement surprised her. He closed the distance between them and forced her to look him in the eye. "I am sorry! It killed me to walk away from you. You meant the world to me and when I lost you, I fell apart. I should have been more understanding, I should have listened .I couldn't get past Cerberus and it clouded my judgment. I was an ass and I know I deserve your hatred but I don't want us to end."

"What _do_ you want?" She whispered. His nearness was infuriating and intoxicating all at once.

"I want…I want things to go back to the way they were."

Shepard shook her head sadly.

"That can't happen, Kaidan."

His eyes lit up in a wild blaze filled with lust and he stared at her with an overpowering intensity; she felt her knees grow weak at the sight of it.

"Why not?" he whispered, his voice low and husky. Before she could respond he caught hold of her waist and yanked her flush against him. Her breath caught in her throat and she could not bring herself to protest as his lips crashed down hers. They tugged and pulled as his hands roamed over the small of her back down to her thighs. His tongue ravaged hers and brought out a startled moan when he picked her up and carried her to the bed. They both landed in a heap of tangled limbs and Shepard took the opportunity to push him back gently.

"Kaidan, what are we doing?" Her question came out in a breathless pant.

"I don't know," he replied in between lavishing her neck with heated kisses. "What I do know is that I never stopped caring about you. I never stopped wanting you. We are not going to get everything solved in one night. For tonight though, I just want to pretend that nothing has changed. It's just you and me; we can deal with the rest in the morning."

He looked so earnest, so endearing and Shepard could feel the love he tried to hide radiate off of him in powerful waves. She could not resist him even if she wanted to. At that moment their problems, their fights, and their anger did not matter. He wanted her and she desperately needed him.

"Anna…"he murmured in her ear and that was all it took. She kissed him with all of her pent up frustration and memories of too many lonely nights; and he kissed her back with all of his grief and pain finally releasing its hold on him. Their reunion was rough and passionate; an intimate battle between them raged with no clear winner at the end of it. Their second coupling was far more tender, softer, and slower. Kaidan held her as if she was the most precious thing in the universe and to him she really was. Exhausted she fell asleep within minutes, her arms tangled around him as his fingers stroked her hair.

She was awoken by gentle kisses to her lips, cheeks, and neck. She opened her eyes and saw Kaidan leaning over her, a soft smile lighting up his features. It was still dark outside.

"I have to go," he said sadly. "Your guard will be coming to his post in thirty minutes."

She closed her eyes, trying to pretend that his words were not true and they did not hurt.

"I know," she finally replied and rolled away from him, bringing the sheets to rest over her shoulders. She put back up the wall between them to save herself the heartbreak of his leaving. Kaidan rubbed her back, remembering how much she loved it and she felt her defenses shatter once more.

"Anna…"

"No, it's fine, Kaidan. I understand. I don't want you to get in trouble."

He moved to the other side of the bed and got down on the floor so his face was directly in line with hers. He caressed her cheek with his fingertips before leaning in to kiss her deeply.

"We will get this figured out," he stated with confidence and Anna actually believed him. Maybe they really could get past everything that went so horribly wrong. She smiled and kissed him once more. He got up and went towards the door and gave her one more heartfelt gaze before sneaking back out of the door and out of her life.

Three hours later everything went to hell.


End file.
